A Step-By-Step Guide To Loving And Letting Go

Nobody said it was easy!

I recently got to thinking about attachment. The next day I cut most of my hair off.

Step 1: Loving (The Easy Part)

There is a stack of books next to my bed--half lent to me. I see shared books, and hear I am thinking of you, I know you will like this, and I appreciate your advice. I love in eye contact, songs sent back and forth, and comfortable silence.

Love is a library-- overflowing and capable of swallowing me whole; how sweet love is in piles.

Step 2: Letting Go (The Hard Part)

The stack of books next to my bed is a hormonal teenager--you never know what you’re going to get. A few weeks ago it was one lonely copy of Sum. Today it is We Don’t Know What We’re Doing, Klara and the Sun, and Strangers Drowning. Tomorrow I’ll have twelve novels and a magazine. In May I’ll stare at a barren desk.

Letting go is a shot at the doctor’s office--I hate how good it is for me. And it isn't challenging because we'll miss today’s love, books, hair, or sleep; rather, it is the fear of how tomorrow’s will compare.

Will they be there? Will they feel like these?

Step 3: Clarification (The Necessary Part)

What if they’re better? What if they’re warmer, stronger, and deeper? Letting go requires that we understand love as cyclical.

I can lend my favorite book because I trust that someone will give me theirs…in fact, I want to make room for it. I can cut my hair off because I know it will grow back. I can leave my home for years because another place will welcome me. I can create distance with someone I care about because I’ll be celebrated elsewhere.

Loving and letting go is not about abandoning what we actively love. And it isn’t simple, perfect, or prefaced with instructions.

Instead, it is about embracing the mess we make of good intentions--willing ourselves through uncomfortable routines, relationships, conversations, and haircuts. Rethinking our attachments allows us to boldly ask: why hold on to something that begs me to release it? What beautiful things are on the other side of letting go?

I am no expert on this, but here is my first step (in the form of a haircut)!